A message of hope from a mum that has lost her daughter that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to experience grief.
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So how can anybody know what's right for you?
You do grief, how you do grief.
However, it shows up. And if you're not ready to surrender,
then don't surrender. If you're not ready to accept that don't accept.
But just know from me my experience when I did.
It lessen, the pain. Welcome to Friday Night Live.
It's just me. This video was sparked by a post that I saw in a group that I'm
in and this group is a for parents with loss.
I'm a parent of loss.
And what I wanted to talk about is the way I see grief.
The way I see loss right now.
And what I mean by right now is I've had I guess
for for in an effort to describe these experiences two sets,
there was a time in my 20s and 30s where I had a few miscarriages.
And then I lost my fiance to a fatal car accident about 10 months before my father.
And God, father died of inoperable cancer.
And zooming forward in the last five years.
I lost my son to a custody battle
and he was sent thousands of miles away to live with his biological father.
And this was about six months before my 18 year old was in a fatal car accident.
My beautiful. Sofia was in a fatal car,
accident shortly after her Her graduation.
What I want to talk to you about today is the way in which grief unfolded in my life.
So there were a series of losses.
The first set I guess you could say that I was running from the losses.
I I would do whatever I could to try and hide from the fact that I had these losses.
And I saw them my perception at that time,
was that it was happening to me.
Life was coming at me and I needed to run and protect myself from this inevitable happening.
Fast forward to the last five years shortly after.
My son was sent away. I guess you could say all the losses,
all the trauma that all the experiences of the past,
I carried with me. So I was living yesterday,
but I was living at now, in this present moment.
And that present moment again, was the day that my son was was sent away something inside of me.
Broke something.
I guess you could say, I was contracted to the point of so much physical pain and so much Agony,
and so many tears. That I just broke.
My husband, Rudi says that your heart doesn't break it stretches.
and I guess I describe this as I broke.
But I broke open. I broke open,
to. To acknowledging that it did happen.
That led to me embracing that it did happen and embracing the pain.
And you know, what? Once I embraced it
It wasn't as painful anymore.
There was an enveloping of pain and tears but an amazing feeling of love and compassion.
I like to describe that as Sublime. Love,
that is our whole nature of spirit.
That is that beautiful essence.
Of God, that births our human experience with the embracing.
A new way of seeing began to arise.
I saw. Death loss as inevitable.
It's inevitable.
And it happens to everybody, there isn't anybody out there who hasn’t experience loss,
and we all experience loss differently.
This post that I read was about grief shaming and I will read it for you.
It's the term identified by Megan Divine to describe the act of dismissing or downplaying.
Another person's grief, the act of comparing grief experiences
and the act of judging how someone does their grief,
I want to say right now, and this goes to the experts also,
because I was given so many books,
so many books, probably a hundred on what to expect with grief.
Nobody can tell you what to expect.
I take those books and throw them out the window and call bullshit on them.
Nobody can tell you how to do life. You are unique to you and you all Express differently.
There's seven point, eight billion.
Beautiful unique Expressions on this Earth.
That's just humans. Because that same intuitive Essence that is running through our blood
and telling our hearts to breathe hurts to breathe,
telling our hearts to beat and our lungs to breathe is running through.
The birds is running through the grass, is running through your beloved pets,
is running through each and every beautiful expression on this Earth.
How can any any one of them?
Be the same. So how can anybody know what's right for you?
You do brief, how you do grief.
However, it shows up. And if you're not ready to surrender,
then don't surrender. If you're not ready to accept then don't accept.
But just know from me my experience when I did it lessen,
the pain, the pain wasn't gone.
Which brings me to my next point
Is we cycle. As beautiful expressions of this whole nature of spirit.
We cycle, there's a contraction and an expansion and I invite you to look around at life right now.
You know, as females, you contract and expand to birth,
these beautiful babies, these beautiful children,
you know, that you have a cycle. You know,
you ovulate the trees lose their leaves.
The snakes lose their skin and the gecko that's peeking at me from behind the camera loses his tail.
But it grows back, so we contract and we expand and with the contractions,
our inner world of perception changes.
We see life differently.
I describe to my students that when we contract we kind of have all the filters of life.
We kind of have to see through that and sometimes it gets a
Little Foggy,
if you will, it isn't as clear.
As it is during our expanded state are inevitable expanded state
and the thoughts that arise during our contracted states.
Are are indicators of where we are.
They reveal our inner state of being they tell us that we are in a natural
and inevitable state of contraction and knowing that we contract and expand.
I paid less attention to the content of what I was thinking.
And more attention to how I was feeling.
And knowing that this is my inevitable contraction and soon,
there will be an expansion.
So this is just how grief looks for me.
Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge yourself.
Is this unique expression of God
Expressing uniquely. And if you've lost something a job,
a home, a beloved pet, a car,
a child. That is your experience.
To experience with your whole nature of spirit,
your own unique nature of spirit.
There isn't a right or wrong, a good
or a bad you're taking too long or that was too short because I've heard them all.
You're just, you.
So, think again, when somebody is experiencing something that you may.
Think to yourself that you would be experiencing differently.
Remember that you are unique your your own human.
You have your own whole nature of experience.
That expresses differently. And when you're hurting,
I invite you to acknowledge acknowledge what it is and embrace it.
Because there's no changing it. There's no running away from it.
It's inevitable, and remember we cycle
I just wanted to share that and that I love you- each and every one of you.